Final Departing Thoughts

These are my thoughts while in the air....flying from China to America.  It is an 11 hour plane ride, therefore, plenty of time!

I am happy to move back home, but sad to leave this temporary home that really became home. I wouldn't want to stay longer, but I am glad we extended our assignment (our plan was to move last June, but we stayed another six months). I feel the length of our stay (three years) was just right for our family.

Living in China for the past three years has taught me enormous amounts about myself. Living in a foreign country helped me realize what is important to me, food and shelter, faith, family, friends, and health. If our family is together, and we are healthy…..there is not a whole lot else we absolutely need.  Three years ago, food and shelter would have just been a given, not on a priority list. I have seen people live in unheated homes without kitchens, places where I thought, "I don't know if I could do that and still be happy". I have seen genuine joyful smiles from people who are so poor!

When many parts of my "old" life were removed I found that "stuff" are all just extras-the car, house, furniture, decorations, clothes, hair, makeup, purses ect. Moving across the world helped me see that people can live with very little, and be happy.  It was as if when I landed in China I had the opportunity to slow life down and figure out what matters in life.

We had a very comfortable life living in Portland with Damon with a good job and family near us. Moving to China forced us to step out of our comfort zone, and forced us to talk about new things, meet new people and try things we never dreamed of before. I have realized that parts of my personality that I didn't know were there are actually a huge part of who I am now.  The spunky adventurous, taking risks, "just go for it!" attitude came alive in me, and I love that part of myself.

I remember in the cultural training class we took the first month in China we were told that it is really important to make friends, and continue doing some of the hobbies and activities you loved when you were back in the states. These were priorities/goals that I set for myself.

1. make friends
2. exercise regularly
3. find a bible study / church
4. learn a new hobby

5. study Chinese

1.  Friends
Meeting people and making friends was key to my survival in Dalian. I knew NOBODY when we arrived and I knew I needed to get out there and meet people. Joining a bible study in Kaifaqu helped me meet friends, as well as coffee mornings at the AnSheng Starbucks. There was also a coffee morning on Fridays hosted by different people each week. It was neat to see people's homes and I had a lot in common with these women because it was mostly Mom's with their kids at Dalian American International School where Nicole and Trejan went. I learned to play mahjong at Jayland Learning Center/English school, and continued on for a bit at the Shama Luxe apartment complex. The friends I met in China have been some of my closest friends in my entire life. It seems strange that we became close so fast, we got to know each other on very intimate levels. Seeing friends every day on the walk to school always brought a smile to my face, even if I didn't feel like it. My friends made living in China fun and a great experience. Honestly, I don't think I would have lasted in a foreign country if I didn't make friends.


2. Exercise
Since exercising is an enjoyable part of my life, I thought figuring out how to do that with other people would be fun.  Damon and I found some people to play soccer with on the weekends. It wasn't like playing back home in Co-ed soccer leagues, but it was still fun. 

My first month, even though I was nervous to jump on the "teacher bus" I played basketball with some of the DAIS teachers. Trejan's kindergarten teacher played in college, and I asked him where he played. A few the teachers welcomed me and let me play with them when they went to a college in Kaifaqu to play on Saturday mornings. Occasionally I would go on Tuesday or Thursday night, but mostly I played on Saturdays.  The Chinese guys thought it was absolutely crazy that a woman would want to be on the court and play competitively. We just played half court, but it was fun. The Chinese guys always cheated, but since I was warned, I wasn't too upset. I also didn't know my numbers very well, but playing hoops helped me learn fast. They would always wait to start the game score until they scored. They would say, ok we have one, you zero….even though we had scored 3 or 4 points before that.  Oh well, we still had a good time. Nicole cam with me a couple of times, that was great, she loved it….but it was cold in the building and she got pretty bored by the time we were done. When the fall came around, Megan Scott joined the staff at DAIS and she also played in college. It was fun having two women out there, and we could play right with the guys.

I found that there were many people in Dalian who shared my passion for fitness, a group of us trained together for the Great Wall Marathon. Most of us completed the half marathon with a good chunk of it on the wall. That is a memory that I hope to always keep alive. During our second year I got to learn boxing with Trejan's second grade teacher who is also a personal trainer. The gymnasium was finally finished, so playing basketball just outside our doorstep was possible. Nicole spent time there with me, and she even had Megan her teacher who played in college as a personal coach our last few months in China.

3. Bible Study / church
Our first week in Dalian we were invited us to Dalian Christian Fellowship Church in Kaifaqu. We went there for a few months and then started going to a small church in our neighborhood. Our neighborhood church was a very small and close community. We would eat snacks, sing together and then listen to a podcast from Sagebrush Church in New Mexico. It was a unique small group of about 30 people, similar to a bible study or care group. The intimacy we had and friendships we made will always cherished.

I found an afternoon bible study with other Moms that was a saving grace for me the first few months. Our bible study was one of the most fulfilling times of my week. It was a very open and non judgmental unique group of people of different faith backgrounds meeting together to study the bible. I have never studied the bible with people who were not Christians. The questions that were raised, and the open ways all of us of different beliefs talked was truly amazing. In addition to the afternoon bible study, I started meeting in the mornings before school with a couple of friends, this was always something I looked forward to. We shared lots of emotions, from laughter to tears.

4. New Hobby
Well, a sport I never even heard of became my favorite hobby, Gaelic football! Many Irish came to China to work and they taught me how to play the game.  Being on a team reminded me of my younger days, doing drills with a coach making me do sprints. Playing with my new team mates reminded me what I love about team sports. I was fortunate enough to play in three tournaments in my three years in China. The first was the "Asia Games" (teams from all over Asia) in Hong Kong, the second tournament was the "China Games" (only teams from China played) in Shanghai and last I traveled to Seoul for my second "Asia Games" tournament. These were some of my favorite weekends of my time abroad.
Chinese Brush Painting once a week for the entire three years! I never really got very good, but it was fun and even framed some of my art work!

Admittedly, I didn't practice guitar the past year. But, the first year and a half I did ok, learned some chords and a little of some classical songs.
5. Chinese
Being independent and not having to rely on someone translating for me was important to me, and so I wanted to be able to speak enough Chinese that I wouldn't need help with my daily life. Mandarin is not easy! I have come a long way in learning a new language. Back in high school I somehow got away with never taking a foreign language. I am very slow when it comes to memorizing and learning a new language takes a lot of memorizing. I never thought I would try to learn another language, but when Damon asked me if I wanted to move to China for a year and a half, or two years, I thought, well, I guess I should at least try, so I don't feel lost…..

So I started  learning Chinese back in Portland in 2008.  I tried some computer programs Rossetta Stone, a little Pimsler Chinese and I also signed up for a class. I was very intimidated and apprehensive going to my class once a week at a Portland Community College. I remember feeling like I was going to cry because I didn't understand what the teacher was saying and I was so nervous that she might call on me. In contrast now, there are a few phrases that I said so much in China that they come out without me thinking. By no means am I fluent, but I am able to have a simple conversation with someone, (as long as they don't speak too fast).

I think my list of goals helped me have a little something to think about while I didn't work. My travels were one of the best parts of the three years. We traveled to many different countries, and also our family was able to travel to places I had never heard of but LOVED visiting. Here is the list: Siem Riep in Cambodia, Hanoi and Halong Bay in Vietnam, Phuket in Thailand and in China- Xian, Guilin and Harbin. I don't think I was completely ignorant have many Americans heard of these cities? (Too see photos of all our travels, especially 2009, scroll through the past blog posts.)

What will I miss? TRAVELING AND FRIENDS…. expat friends and Chinese friends -including ayi, our driver Pan and all of  shopkeepers at the fruit and vegetable markets, bakeries Eddies, Bread Home, Bread Talk, Deli Harbor, Korean couple who own the butcher shop, ladies at the Christian bookstore and import store Sunny's. I will miss sending someone else to do my errands like adding minutes to my phone, picking up something from the market or picking up pizza from Deli Harbor for me. I will miss some restaurants, Niko's, especially the garlic beef, Kyoto's sashimi, Tapa's garlic potatoes, and other restaurants prices especially! I will miss walking into a school where I know almost every teacher and administrator. I will miss speaking Chinese, hearing Chinese and trying to understand people speaking Chinese. I will miss the two to three hour lunches where I met friends and just talked forever. I will miss car rides to Dalian where friendships were strengthened, shopping with friends and then drinking Sangria at Tapas. I will miss walking to the beach, hiking the hill with friends and having a track and field right outside our doorstep. I will miss the low cost of living, and having a company pay our bills.

I will NOT miss hearing the revolting sound of people spitting, the half hour drive to the store to buy cereal, milk, butter or cheese at ridiculous prices. I won't miss the smells- at JinMa, walking down the road, going to the beach, the sewer smell in my kitchen by the dishwasher.  I really won't miss seeing men peeing on the side of the road, kids peeing on the sidewalk, or in the market. 

An opportunity of  a lifetime! What an amazing experience…. these are phrases I hear repeatedly from others, and also coming out of my mouth frequently.  I thank God that we were privileged to have this adventure, I feel very blessed.

Campus Village Changes

We have about a month until we move back to the US. Reflecting on the last three years, it is amazing to see how much about our neighborhood has changed. Many friends have come and gone, left me with memories of a lifetime. I think hundreds of people moved from one city in the US to this city in China. The kid's school grew from one class per grade, about 8-12 kids per grade to two classes per grade 30-35 this fall.

We were allowed to take a trip to Dalian about a year before we moved here (to see if we would like to move to China). This is what the view of the school was from our condo building).

Now this is what that dirt field turned into. They built a track, gym, swimming pool, although no one has been allowed to swim yet, needs to pass another "government inspection".

The construction has been crazy this past six months. When we got back from summer vacation there was an empty lot as you left our gate. Now there is this castle!

Walking to the beach was never really peaceful since cars went zooming by, it was scary have a family bike ride to the beach. The difference now is that there are up to 50 people working along the side of the road (always staring). The dump trucks, cranes and all kinds of construction equipment make it difficult to even walk let alone ride bikes. (There are still cars zooming by as well). After living here three years, I am use to the traffic, road construction. It doesn't surprise me, it is just different.

Gaelic Football Tournament-Seoul, Korea Asia Games

Undefeated! Our team entered the "B" division of the Asia games and took home the "Bowl" trophy. With the addition of a few NCAA Division1 athletes we were unstoppable. Apparently basketball players who were on full ride scholarships a few years ago pick up Gaelic Football pretty fast! The teams we played were: Japan, Taiwan, Busan (South Korea), and from China: Shanghai, Shenzhen and Beijing . We also played power house clubs Singapore and Seoul (we played their C teams because their A and B teams were in the A division).

We were to play at the "World Cup Stadium" in Suwon, just outside of Seoul, but in reality we were on the practice fields next door.

October break-Chinese National Holiday (Celebration of the start of the Communist Party)

Our last vacation of our expat assignment was incredible. We had some relaxation and ate way too much good food!

Disney Cruise through Mexican Riviera

The Disney cruise was great for the kids, but exhausting for Damon and I. We didn't sleep well, and we were both dizzy and annoyed with the Disney over-stimulation. Of course, the kids LOVED it. Nicole said it was "heaven". They could have pizza, chicken fingers, ice cream, soda pop, any time of the day....and then we had three huge meals a day if we wanted to. Crazy. The best part of the cruise was our time in Mexico

Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

Swimming with dolphins was one of the most amazing experiences I have ever had the opportunity to enjoy. The feeling of being pulled through the water with such little effort was incredible. The strength and power of a dolphin is fascinating. The kids and I got to splash, pet, take photos with and RIDE on the belly of Ko, the dolphin we shared with six other people. The trainer told us she loves Ko, but he is sometimes a little mischievous. When Ko's dolphin friends performed at the end of our swim Ko was showing off a bit, and then copied one of the other dolphin's special tricks. It is fun to see the personality coming out.

I love the smile on Nicole's face. She and I had non stop smiles and loved how fast we got to go through the water. Though apprehensive at first, Trejan was the lucky one. When the trainer said, "OK, let go" he thought she said "don't let go" and he got to have two rides around the pool on Ko! It was also really funny when Ko kissed Trejan he kept on kissing him, when Trejan was trying to swim away, Ko was still trying to reach his lips. We were all laughing.

Peurto Villarta, Mexico

Guacamole!

Honolulu

Summer in Campus Village, First day of school

First day back to school-Trejan 3rd grade, Nicole 5th grade

Summer in Campus Village

neighborhood "on-going fight", including nerf guns, swords, water guns.....depending on the day

Guest Blog #2 - It Took Almost Three Years

Typically when I get the urge to blog, I sit down until the sensation passes and then go about my day. The fact that this is only my second blog in 2.5 years in China is testament to the effectiveness of this method - not to mention that Yukiko and the kids are STILL in the United States and the only thing on TV is drift car racing and "Rugby Asia"

I have two topics to blog about but will only do one for the time being. Come back in another 2.5 years and I will explain why I hate(d) landing at the Dalian Airport. Here is a preview - You know that guy sitting on your armrest? He is the one who the flight attendant asked to sit down until the plane has come to a "full and complete stop" at the terminal. Too bad it will be another 10 seconds until the wheels hit the ground.

For the time being I will attempt to explain what took almost three years.

I am starting to understand it. Well, not really. Saying that you "get it" is just proof that you don't get it at all. You can't and won't so get over it. Whatever the case, I had a bit of an epiphany the other day that I felt compelled to share. If you live here you will ask yourself several questions rather frequently until... well you will ask rather frequently.

• Why is that guy/girl peeing in public and not bothering to hide behind the tree they are standing/squatting next to?
• He has been picking his nose for quite a while, doesn't he realize others can see him?
• Why do almost all male bathrooms have a direct line of site from the urinals to the outside hallway? (Hi honey, be done in a minute - hello Mrs Jones, nice to see you)
• Did he really just pass gas at high volume in this quiet meeting?
• Oh my, he just coughed up a lung and I stepped in it (not a question, just an observation).

So what's the deal?

Eureka! They are all related. Bottom line is that there (relative to America) is a distinct lack of modesty with relation to bodily functions. It is all natural, necessary, so... get over it. Stuff comes in, stuff goes out. It's the way we were made so by all means embrace it!

Maybe it is we Americans that actually have the problem? I'll let you know as soon as I get landing in the airport figured out... and that guy off my armrest.

Beautiful Guilin

Li River Cruise

Moon Hill in Yongshuo

Moon Hill view from Yongshuo Village Inn

Yulong River biking and bamboo raft

Buddha Water Cave mud bath

Longsheng Rice Terrace fields from Ping An Village

Normal? Goodbye?

Some very dear friends who we have made lifetime memories with will be leaving this month. I have learned that making friends and living as an ex-pat is a fantastic experience but it is so hard to say goodbye! Many friends I spend time with on a daily basis will soon live a long (or not too long) airplane ride away. America, Europe, Australia, Asia are pretty far apart, but at least with the computer we can keep in touch easily. Thank God for technology!

Normal....what is normal? Saying goodbye is just another piece of the "normal life" as an ex-pat.

Normal....what is normal? Daily life in Portland Oregon is so drastically different than my life in China is hard to explain. Some of my "China normal" daily, weekly or monthly...

• fruit and vegetable market (usually twice a week because the produce doesn't last too long, it is so fresh!)
• butcher- my favorite one is clean! (they keep meat in the refrigerator and the floor doesn't have blood and guts)
• bakeries (usually two or three different ones)-good variety but need to go around town to get our favorite whole wheat bread, baguettes, hamburger buns, and dinner rolls. Of course different bakeries are best at different things.
• Deli - sandwich meat and cheese
• import store for specialty food
• Chinese grocery store for flour
• relax, read, study or talk on the phone sitting in the car being driven (company pays for car and driver for our family)

We head back to America for a month vacation soon. My "normal" has changed a bit....I will soon:

• drive myself in my own car on safe roads to a store for "one stop shopping" where sometimes people even bag your groceries
• appreciate public bathrooms with toilet paper
• enjoy the quiet, lack of fire-crackers, constant honking of horns
• smell the clean air and not miss the sewer, fish, stinky tofu and pollution smell here
• go back to cleaning my toilets, floors, kitchen and washing laundry again

Summer vacation is almost here and we will miss school, especially fun days like "Crazy Hair Day". (this is not Nicole and Trejan's "normal")

Beijing girls weekend

My favorite afternoon was biking through hutongs (neighborhoods with arrow alleys). This little boy with his grandfather were so cute.
I also loved biking around Beihai lake and Houhai lake where we could have spent hours wandering in and out of funky restaurants and small shops.

That evening we ate at the Saddle Cantina in the Sanlitun shopping area and found that it has delicious guacamole and margaritas. One of my favorite meals of the year!

China Gaelic Football Tournament in Shanghai

Gaelic football is played mainly in Ireland, but I happened to meet a great group of Irish guys who are teaching me how to play while we all live in China.

Our team had players who flew in from Ireland and Australia and China residents from several different countries.

It was fun to have the kids and Damon there supporting me and cheering our team on to winning the "China Games Plate" (third place finish).

Hanoi, Vietnam

Since January when we returned from Christmas vacation we have been in Dalian. Spring break was a week we were looking forward to for a long time. We decided to fly to the northern area of Vietnam. China boarders Vietnam and so it is a convenient travel destination for us. I was especially looking forward to seeing the beautiful area of Halong Bay. From Hanoi (the capitol of Vietnam) it is about three or four hours drive. Along the road we gazed upon farmers using buckets, hoes and shovels. Traveling around Asia has opened my eyes to how many people in the world are still doing a lot of the manual work that we have replaced with tractors and water sprinklers.

We spend three nights on Huan Chaun Island with a beautiful view of Halong Bay. Hours were spent in lounge chairs reading by the pool with the warm sun thawing us out from the past four freezing months in Dalian.

The peaceful area of Halong Bay is a huge contrast to the busy city of Hanoi. Continuous honking assaulted us as we tried to avoid being run over by crazy scooter drivers. In 20 seconds we saw hundreds of scooters pass us. There were often four, even five people on one scooter, none wearing helmets. I think Vietnamese kids must be comfortable riding on the back of a scooter by age two. Scooters are also the way to transport things such as doors, huge boxes of toilet paper, live chickens and just about anything you can think of.

It would have been safer to join the masses and ride on scooters, but we opted to just walk. In the French Quarter the sidewalks are filled with parked scooters and people selling fruits and vegetables. Weaving our way down the road and trying to protect the kids was not an easy task. A friend of mine was walking in Hanoi and burnt her leg walking down the street on a hot tail pipe of a scooter. That is how close you walk to scooters in Hanoi.

One of my favorite memories was an hour ride in a Tuk Tuk pushed by a man with incredibly strong biking legs. The Tuk Tuk was a much more relaxing way to see the city, and we felt safe from the scooters.

We signed up for a cooking class which took us on a tour of a famous local market. While walking through the isles of the market we almost got ran over by a scooter while looking at tomatoes! We learned a lot about Vietnamese food and saw some parts of animals I can't imagine eating. They knew most forgeiners wouldn't be too excited about learning to cook pig snout or frog legs.

We prepared and ate: NEM TÔM KIỂU HUẾ, fresh spring rolls, BÒ TIÊU ĐEN , beef sauteed in a black pepper sauce, and TÔM SÚ TẨM DỪA NẠO Pan fried Prawns wrapped in Shredded Coconut. The menu we ate was delicious and the kids loved the cooking too.

This year Easter morning was spent visiting an ex-pat church. In the afternoon we played at the Ho Tay Lake Water Park.